So right now I'm completely at a loss. I don't know what to do. I don't feel secure in my Major anymore. I don't think I really care as much as I thought I did when I first began. Sure, it's INTERESTING. But so are a lot of things. I don't think I have what it takes to spend close to nine more years in school figuring that out. I don't feel as invested or passionate as I did. It's not panning out the way I thought it would. I feel even more lost than ever. I thought by this time, I would have a clear-cut path in front of me. That I'd know what it was I wanted to do with my life. I feel like I could not care less about the classes I am in. I don't feel like I connect with the people in them. I'm not like them. I feel like when I find the people I connect with, that's when I'll know I've found the right major or career pathway.

Looking back, ALL of the friends I've made during my time at college has been through either my artistic or more creative classes: drawing fundamentals, photography, french, english. I've really made NONE from any of my psychology classes. Zero. I'm not sure if that means anything, but it fucking worries me.

I just applied for and accepted a research assistant position in the mood disorders lab here. When I got back, I didn't feel much excitement or elation. I felt like I wanted a nap. And when I woke up, I found that I was sad.

It feels like I'm going through the motions without stopping to consider what it is I truly want to do. Thing is, I don't know what that is. I'm terrified of that. I like security. I want to be able to support myself and have fulfillment at the same time. I'm running out of time and I feel like I'm just digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole.
I honestly have no idea what to do.