1st Fit Test

Supposed to do a Fit Test every 2 weeks.

Next fit test: Jan 2nd

79 Switchkicks
35 Power Jacks
59 Power Knees
20 Power Jumps
5 Globe Jumps
8 Suicide Jumps
20 Push-up Jacks
27 Low Plank Obliques

I cried.

Exercise

I'm going to TRY working out and eating healthier. I'm downloading the Insanity workout videos, and just created an account on myfitnesspal.com, and going to the store soon to get a bunch of lean cuisines. Let's try this.

Whiten Teeth under $10

Haves and Have Nots

I need to get PAID. I need a new shelf. I need another chair. I need a string of lights. I need to get gifts.

I need some motivation. I need some boldness. I need a 'lil confidence. I need a little charisma.

I need to start a workout. I need to sweat. I need to eat green things. I need to pump up my bike tires. I need a haircut.

I need to look for another job. I need to look into grad schools. I need to look into the GRE. I need to look into The Future.



Despite all these needs, right now, in this moment, I'm happy. I love people, and there are people who love me, too.

Unique
Day
Hour
Room
Instructor
Status
Flags ?
07335 OR 07340
TTH
M
330 to 500p
900 to 1100a
BUR 224
CMA A4.316
QUARTERMAN, CHARLES P
waitlisted

J 319 PRINCIPLES OF GRAPHIC DESIGN
The history, design, and production of media materials. Subjects may include design principles, visual perception, typography, manipulation of images and photographs, and page design for various mediums. Journalism 319 and 336 may not both be counted.
Prerequisite: A major in journalism or consent of instructor.

see department headnote

So bored. This is the most bored I've been, probably, all year. Absolutely zero things to do. I mean, there are things to DO, like hang the little wire coat hangers and mirrors in the hallway across from my door, but that isn't pressing. Plus, I'm a slovenly creature.


I've been thinking a lot about friendships lately. I've made progress, but it's still daunting at first! I want to over-think every little thing when I shouldn't. Michael's been helping me overcome my anxieties and take initiative which has--of course--paid off. Last weekend at Spider House was very fun. I don't remember much afterward because there was a little too much fun being had at the cafe, BUT the show and people were all so great. Finally feel like I'm taking advantage of this city. It's super cool.

God, I am having trouble decorating my room. All my life, I really haven't put very much thought or effort into my room. It always seemed so pointless to me. Now that I have my own apartment, I feel like I should make it my own.

I need lots of things.

curtains, shelves, a chair, maybe a rug, SO MUCH MORE. It's overwhelming!

procrastinaaaation

I don't wanna study.

Right now I'm sitting in my room listening to my roommate practice Norwegian with a couple of her friends from that class. I haven't come out of my room since they've come over. I just don't want to go introduce myself/put on a bra. I will in a little while though, because I need food and can't hold out for much longer.

Today was fun. Woke up to rumbling thunder and beautifully overcast skies. I've missed those grays. Then, went to breakfast with Michael. I love going out for breakfast. It puts a nice, cozy start on the day. I said we wouldn't be able to hang out today, but since I've been back, I've played around on urbanoutfitters.com and taken a nap. I feel like scum because I really really really really really need to be using this time better.

I tried out the Pomadoro technique for time management when studying for my last exam, and it helped a lot, so I'll try that again in a second.

To help you all, it's basically this: set a timer to go off after 25 minutes and during that time, you study or do whatever it is you need to do. Every time it goes off, you take a 5 minute break. You do this 4 times, then start taking 10 minute breaks, and so on.

OKBYE

Ugh

Just a little fed up. I was thinking just the other day how remarkable it is that in just a year or two I was able to carve out a life here. A place where before, no one knew my name and would also never have known it if I hadn't decided to move. I've made impressions ranging from bad to wonderful on so many people who didn't know me but for a few months or days ago. It's extremely liberating and strengthening to know that people are people everywhere and while I certainly wasn't the most outgoing or inviting person before, I've learned so much about the outside world and the nature of all kinds of relationships.

I just wish those whom I used to consider close would allow me to share my life with them a little. I'm sorry I did what you only talked about, but I took a risk and you didn't. Now we never talk. Maybe we never really were that close in the first place.

Haven't updated in a while. Feh. I try not to talk about it, but I really do get lonely pretty often up here. The last three days I've been hanging out with mine and Michael's friends without Michael as he's in Idaho. Sometimes I think I'm comfortable with them, but I noticed that I barely said anything today. And I have nothing TO say. It's almost like I don't exist but that they're just too nice to shoo me away. When it gets right down to it, we just don't have that much in common I don't think.

But honestly, I feel like no one really wants to talk to me anymore, apart from Michael. I don't know. It's not like I'm completely free of blame. And whining about it like a pathetic loser certainly isn't gaining me anything. I just had to get it out. I don't want any pity or anything, I just wish I was more sociable and interesting. I feel like such a huge bore all the time. I can never just be comfortable with myself. Michael's literally the only person I consider a best friend anymore. I hate this growing apart thing. I really do.

I've been optimistic way too long here. I've got many worries that have all seemed to peak this morning. I can't seem to find a job, I feel like I'm stifling my creativity by doing this major, I feel stuck, helpless, afraid, and lonely, despite having a really great boyfriend. I don't know what I want anymore but to start over. I want to start everything over.

I feel like I'm doing so many things to distract myself from the fact that I always feel like I'm not doing what I should.

gosh. I'm really liking this guy.

Watching Peter Jackson's first blog on the ongoing production of The Hobbit, made me extremely excited but also kinda down. I should be apart of this. If I were to have any part in making that story come to life, I would be unbelievably happy. I wouldn't be able to wait to get to work and I'd enjoy every minute of it, even through the stressful times. To be a part of something like that would be an experience I'd probably cherish forever, and yet, the people on the crew get to do that everyday for years and years with different movies. It makes me wonder why I couldn't do that as well. Then I remember I'm a junior psychology major with absolutely no experience making movies.

I can't say I've ever had a definitive dream about my future career. For a while when I was a kid, I thought it'd be pretty neat to be an astronaut, and then maybe work at NASA, but I very quickly realized engineering was not my forte. Yet I took THREE engineering classes during high school. I could've been taking film, photography, or art--creative classes that I usually excel at and enjoy immensely. So right now, where I'm at, I feel like I've gotten almost zero practice at doing creative things professionally or even often. And I feel like if I were to switch it up and go with a creative major, I'd be risking SO much. It feels like too much.

I'm scared.

The Great Escape

This weekend was the best weekend I've had in years. Since I was a little kid.

Me and four of my friends all piled into my CRV and drove to one of their houses in Abeline. It took us about 5 hours, but it was so worth it. My friend's house is huge and amazing and comfortable. I ended up getting my own room with queen sized bed and my own bathroom/shower. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out. It was amazing.

Saturday, we all woke up late and went to a burger place. It was deliciousss. All the customers in there were so interesting, too. There was a nurse eating a huge bacon cheese burger and reading a book called "The Killing Hour." I took a picture and am going to upload it to facebook after this.

After that, we went back to Corrie's house and after playing scrabble with Amber while Corrie and two of my other friends walked her dogs, we all decided to get our suits on and lounge. The weather was perfect. It was so relaxing.

Later that night we went to Abeline's drive-in movie theater. It was a double feature. We ended up seeing Rango and Adjustment Bureau in the bed of a huge pick-up truck that we piled up with a futon mattress, pillows, and tons of sheets and blankets-which were very much needed. We all ended up snuggling to keep warm. It was so great. After the second movie, while Corrie was driving the truck across the field, I was laying in the bed of the truck, looking at the stars. There were millions. It almost seemed like I was in a gigantic planetarium. I felt very small.

This weekend was much needed. I always say I need to relax, and I feel like that's what I do. But while I was laying by the pool with my eyes closed, feeling both the warm sun and the slight, cool breeze, listening to the rustle of leaves, the faint sound of old pop music, and the laughter of good friends, I realized another level of relaxation I hadn't felt in years. It was love mixed with a feeling that everything everywhere was alright. I had no troubles or worries. Everything was right were it was supposed to be. The amount of care and comfort was a beautiful thing.

I also couldn't believe that I wasn't somewhere more exotic than Abeline, Texas. I could've been anywhere! But Abeline is a gorgeous city. If I'm ever successful enough to enjoy a house like my friend's, I'd want it somewhere in the country like that. It's so peaceful!

Well, enough of that. Back to the realities of French homework, scholarships, job applications, and house hunting. In truth, I'm glad to be back. I missed my bfriend and the comfort of my dorm.

BAM

(Those are my feet!)

Learning a language is a lot like running. It's easy and encouraging at first because it seemed like it would be a big deal, but it's actually pretty easy starting out. After a while though, when the lactic acid starts to kick in, you eventually feel like you've hit a wall. That's where I was for the most part of last semester and the beginning of this one in regards to french. It's probably too early to tell, but I feel like I've finally caught my second wind.

Part of that is likely due to the fact that I was really overestimating how much better my peers were than me. I mean, there are some people in there that could talk circles around me(and already have), but I feel more stable now. I feel like I've got a good handle over the basics, FINALLY. It's a nice feeling.

I'm feeling good about a lot of things actually. I have a boyyyyyyyyyfrieeeeeend now, which is pretty sweet, and I'm keeping up with my friends, which is really important for my sanity. I also feel like I'm balancing my time better than I was last semester which is a huge relief.

My roommate still likes anime, techno music, and The Golden Girls, though. CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL!

edit://For those interested, I made a tumblr about my roommate: http://viggomortensenpoem.tumblr.com/

So right now I'm completely at a loss. I don't know what to do. I don't feel secure in my Major anymore. I don't think I really care as much as I thought I did when I first began. Sure, it's INTERESTING. But so are a lot of things. I don't think I have what it takes to spend close to nine more years in school figuring that out. I don't feel as invested or passionate as I did. It's not panning out the way I thought it would. I feel even more lost than ever. I thought by this time, I would have a clear-cut path in front of me. That I'd know what it was I wanted to do with my life. I feel like I could not care less about the classes I am in. I don't feel like I connect with the people in them. I'm not like them. I feel like when I find the people I connect with, that's when I'll know I've found the right major or career pathway.

Looking back, ALL of the friends I've made during my time at college has been through either my artistic or more creative classes: drawing fundamentals, photography, french, english. I've really made NONE from any of my psychology classes. Zero. I'm not sure if that means anything, but it fucking worries me.

I just applied for and accepted a research assistant position in the mood disorders lab here. When I got back, I didn't feel much excitement or elation. I felt like I wanted a nap. And when I woke up, I found that I was sad.

It feels like I'm going through the motions without stopping to consider what it is I truly want to do. Thing is, I don't know what that is. I'm terrified of that. I like security. I want to be able to support myself and have fulfillment at the same time. I'm running out of time and I feel like I'm just digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole.
I honestly have no idea what to do.